Our StoriesResearch
Diaries of a Socio-Spiritualist #2
Someone once told me that they used to keep a diary, they stopped because they realized that all the things they were writing in there had become lies. If they couldn’t even be honest with themselves, in the privacy of their diary, what was the point?
Yesterday, I watched episode 1, season 1 of Marvel’s Agents of Shield. The antagonist Mike was a black man, a good man who suffered from too many bad breaks that eventually drove him into madness, violence and crime. Just before they put him down, he did a monologue…
“I know you’ve got men everywhere waiting to put me down, I know how this plays out. I’m not like those other guys, it matters who I am, inside, if I’m a good person, if I’m strong. You took my wife, my job, my house… you think this is killing me…All over, there are people being pushed down, being robbed, one of them tries to stand up, you are gonna make an example out of them. All you do is lie… You said if we worked hard, if we did right, we would have a place, you said it was enough to be a man, but there are giants, and what are we… ants to get stepped on.” Tough!
The realists would say, put a sock in it, stop complaining and bite the bullet, the world is a cruel, unjust and unforgiving place, definitely not for the weak, your tears have no place here. It’s no place for emotions, for idealistic values such as love, peace, justice and truth, let alone loyalty, faithfulness and integrity. Just have fun, enjoy yourself to death, work until you turn to dust, close your eyes and jump off the cliff, cover your ears and bare your teeth… and dance, and pose, and run until there are no feelings left. Talk yourself into oblivion. Yes, be obedient, but not good, lest you meet early demise. Be docile, but not humble, take, take, take all you can. Trample instead, all that comes your way, become the ravaging fire, burning everything you touch. Worship power, yes, power and control. Let these be your only Gods. By whatever means necessary.
What then happens to those who do not want power or control over others, but self? Who are merely happy to be alive? Who appreciate life’s simple truths? You tell me! Perhaps like Mike, they become ants to be trampled on. Used until they are unrecognizable, broken until they submit, driven into insanity, or barely holding it together. They are drained of all they hold dear, leaving empty shells, neither alive nor dead, just existing.
And when they fight for their right to be seen, for their lives to matter, their voices to be heard. When they get angry, shout, and rebel. They become the misfits, labelled bitter, delusional, insubordinate, aggressive, social rejects. They are told to check themselves, look within, to not blame the world, or hate the player, but the game, to not be overthinkers, but go with the flow. They are manipulated into thinking all that happens in life is their own fault, that they should aim to change, to be more like everyone else, or at least the successful ones… to give up the fight because it is a lost cause. “Just yield”, they say, yield to the powers that be or risk being cast out into the abyss, where nothing lives except broken dreams and fractured thoughts.
Then they are given a mic, a pen and paper and told to write and speak up because their voice matters. Bullshit. If it mattered, writing ones thoughts would be a piece of cake, talking about ones feelings would be an elevating experience. There wouldn’t be so many human aid initiatives, there wouldn’t be so much misery, homelessness, poverty, dis-ease and violence. Everyone would experience love, peace and bliss.
So… here’s the thing, let’s start here, perhaps this is where all our healing journeys need to start, at a point where we know that our truth is not for everyones ears. That not everyone cares for your struggles, even those who say they do. Yes, it is a hard truth, but it is the truth nonetheless.
And yes, you might sound bitter, but again, that is the truth, because you’ve been wronged, you have every right to feel everything you are feeling, even the so-called negative emotions that are perceived as taboo, they are yours, own them. And more than that, allow yourself to be angry, be angry at the unfairness of the situation, be angry at the trickster, that you told you that by following the rules you will reap a bountiful harvest. Call out the lies they told you and those you’ve been telling yourself. And before you look within for the answers, where they apparently lie in blissful content just waiting for you to take a peak… renounce all that you believe about the world, allow yourself a clean slate, but don’t forget, don’t ever forget, lest you repeat the mistakes of the past. Then, only then, can you start learning to survive. Yes, survive first before you can live. Survive long enough to learn to live the kind of life you would be proud of, the kind of life that resonates with every fiber of your bones. So, when you have to write on your diary next time, you won’t feel like you are telling lies, but that you are merely expressing your true nature. So, when you pick up the mic, you can, in earnest truth say what’s on your mind without shame or fear. So, when you come across those who would want to make you believe that you are a misfit, you can walk away freely, knowing you would rather be a misfit than be one of them.
Yesterday, I watched episode 1, season 1 of Marvel’s Agents of Shield. The antagonist Mike was a black man, a good man who suffered from too many bad breaks that eventually drove him into madness, violence and crime. Just before they put him down, he did a monologue…
“I know you’ve got men everywhere waiting to put me down, I know how this plays out. I’m not like those other guys, it matters who I am, inside, if I’m a good person, if I’m strong. You took my wife, my job, my house… you think this is killing me…All over, there are people being pushed down, being robbed, one of them tries to stand up, you are gonna make an example out of them. All you do is lie… You said if we worked hard, if we did right, we would have a place, you said it was enough to be a man, but there are giants, and what are we… ants to get stepped on.” Tough!
The realists would say, put a sock in it, stop complaining and bite the bullet, the world is a cruel, unjust and unforgiving place, definitely not for the weak, your tears have no place here. It’s no place for emotions, for idealistic values such as love, peace, justice and truth, let alone loyalty, faithfulness and integrity. Just have fun, enjoy yourself to death, work until you turn to dust, close your eyes and jump off the cliff, cover your ears and bare your teeth… and dance, and pose, and run until there are no feelings left. Talk yourself into oblivion. Yes, be obedient, but not good, lest you meet early demise. Be docile, but not humble, take, take, take all you can. Trample instead, all that comes your way, become the ravaging fire, burning everything you touch. Worship power, yes, power and control. Let these be your only Gods. By whatever means necessary.
What then happens to those who do not want power or control over others, but self? Who are merely happy to be alive? Who appreciate life’s simple truths? You tell me! Perhaps like Mike, they become ants to be trampled on. Used until they are unrecognizable, broken until they submit, driven into insanity, or barely holding it together. They are drained of all they hold dear, leaving empty shells, neither alive nor dead, just existing.
And when they fight for their right to be seen, for their lives to matter, their voices to be heard. When they get angry, shout, and rebel. They become the misfits, labelled bitter, delusional, insubordinate, aggressive, social rejects. They are told to check themselves, look within, to not blame the world, or hate the player, but the game, to not be overthinkers, but go with the flow. They are manipulated into thinking all that happens in life is their own fault, that they should aim to change, to be more like everyone else, or at least the successful ones… to give up the fight because it is a lost cause. “Just yield”, they say, yield to the powers that be or risk being cast out into the abyss, where nothing lives except broken dreams and fractured thoughts.
Then they are given a mic, a pen and paper and told to write and speak up because their voice matters. Bullshit. If it mattered, writing ones thoughts would be a piece of cake, talking about ones feelings would be an elevating experience. There wouldn’t be so many human aid initiatives, there wouldn’t be so much misery, homelessness, poverty, dis-ease and violence. Everyone would experience love, peace and bliss.
So… here’s the thing, let’s start here, perhaps this is where all our healing journeys need to start, at a point where we know that our truth is not for everyones ears. That not everyone cares for your struggles, even those who say they do. Yes, it is a hard truth, but it is the truth nonetheless.
And yes, you might sound bitter, but again, that is the truth, because you’ve been wronged, you have every right to feel everything you are feeling, even the so-called negative emotions that are perceived as taboo, they are yours, own them. And more than that, allow yourself to be angry, be angry at the unfairness of the situation, be angry at the trickster, that you told you that by following the rules you will reap a bountiful harvest. Call out the lies they told you and those you’ve been telling yourself. And before you look within for the answers, where they apparently lie in blissful content just waiting for you to take a peak… renounce all that you believe about the world, allow yourself a clean slate, but don’t forget, don’t ever forget, lest you repeat the mistakes of the past. Then, only then, can you start learning to survive. Yes, survive first before you can live. Survive long enough to learn to live the kind of life you would be proud of, the kind of life that resonates with every fiber of your bones. So, when you have to write on your diary next time, you won’t feel like you are telling lies, but that you are merely expressing your true nature. So, when you pick up the mic, you can, in earnest truth say what’s on your mind without shame or fear. So, when you come across those who would want to make you believe that you are a misfit, you can walk away freely, knowing you would rather be a misfit than be one of them.
